Waiting for THE SICK

When I was a young kid, it seemed like I was sick every other week.  Kids love to pass around every cough and sniffle they get, and I guess I never wanted to miss an opportunity to see what everyone else was doing.

Strep throat?  Sure!  Sounds like fun!  Pink eye?  I know pink looks terrible on a redhead, but that's OK!  Chicken pox?  More pink!  Colds?  The more the merrier!

The essentials

Now, I usually only get sick once a year.  But, it's not just sick.  It's SICK.  It's confined to bed for days because blinking is more than I can handle.  It's having a throat that is so inflamed, holding your breath seems like a better option than actually breathing.  It's "man cold" sick.  You don't know what man cold is?  Yes, you do.  You just don't realize you know it.

Man cold is not your average cold.  Man cold is being convinced that you're going to die, and making sure that everyone around you knows you're going to die.  Man cold is moaning and crying that your head hurts, your throat hurts, your toenails hurt.  Man cold is named as such because every little sniffle that men get turns in to man cold.

And now every woman out there is nodding her head going, "Oh yeah, man cold."

The last time I was sick was the end of February last year.  And sure enough, I was out of commission for quite a few days during that ordeal.  It also means I'm due.  But I know that the universe is watching.  And scheming.  And waiting.  Waiting for the perfect time to make me sick.  Like, April 20 to be exact.

Yes.  I truly believe the universe is waiting until my wedding day to make me sick.

As the news keeps reporting on the terrible flu bug and stomach virus that's going around, all I can think about is, please, just let me get sick now.  Let's just get this over with right now instead of waiting until April.  Do you hear me universe?  I know you're always listening.  I'm ready and waiting.

(But if you were actually planning on letting me slide by this year without actually getting sick, then please, disregard this whole entire post.  Thank you.)